You Think Too Much

I have a shoe tied around my neck!!

And dolly dresses around my ankles!!!

God knows what's on my head. I'm not sure if this is a picture of'desperation' or 'creativity.'

I look happy.
My sister looks sort of embarrassed but also a little as though she's thankful that she's the only one who sees the lunacy in any of this. Likely because this type of behavior fit in seemlessly with the other dysfunctional activities that regularly took place in our house.
Shhh. . . . no body is going to notice.

Maybe 'pathetic' is funny. The again, maybe it was just simple fun being very silly. Somewhere I lost the ability to do this. If I knew where, I'd rush back to retrieve it. These days, I long for hours where I could simply tie a shoe around my neck and be blissfully happy and simultaneously proud of my creativity.

I'm sure that the reason why I appear so happy is that I didn't take the time to consider how silly my choice of entertainment actually was. I didn't consider what anyone else might think about wearing tiny pink dresses around my ankles and over my pajamas. I didn't stop to consider whether or not the shoe tied around my neck looked enough like an amulet to pass as one or that my sleeveless frock would only be wearable if placed on backward. None of this mattered to me in the slightest. What I cared about was that what I was doing worked for me. I was having a good time.

In some ways, I'm still this little girl who simply doesn't take the time to consider too thoroughly what other people might think about her ideas. I know some of them are. . .   well, they're far-fetched. I know they're not always popular. They definately do not offer a good representation of any conventional approach to problems solving. I understand that if I explained them beforehand in an attempt to make them more universally rational - I would fail and likely create even more skepticism. This is what usually happens - these days.

As an adult, I've tried to play with real props and use them only in the manner for which they were intended. I've had to. Social conventions have demanded it of me. It certainly isn't as much fun as finding my own way to solve problems. These days, looking for a new job or trying to drastically change my career path  is difficult to determine under the most practical and defined of circumstances. My approach is definitely not conventional. I know. Even if I did explain it, you wouldn't understand completely or be entirely convinced that my plan might work; nevermind be achieveable. The only thing I can tell you is; trust me. It's going to work out.
And look!
Shoes tied around your neck can work.
And they make me happy. Isn't that the real goal?